Another "Mental fitness" moment.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Another "Mental fitness" moment.

Dammit! I did it again! I forgot to post my *Fitness Friday* yesterday. I don't know where my brain is lately. I guess I'm just trying to change up my routine a bit.
That and I am trying to work on my other blogs in my squeaky clean, vanilla world. I like to keep myself occupied during the winter because I so easily fall into a seasonal depression. And you all know I am a geek when it comes to computer stuff.. lol.

So, how bout a mental - fitness - belated - Friday post? You all still lub me right?

Having read that book - that I was telling you guys about Here - I have actually begun to recognize a sort of series of things that I do when I am getting sad, or annoyed or what not.

It's actually been really helpful because I am learning to actually say to myself, "wait... why are you thinking that way..take a breath, consider the other options"

Personal growth is an amazing feeling I think.

And honestly, It's been nice learning about myself. It is such an amazing feeling to realize I am not some crazy loon and that these feelings, actions, and results are from my personality and my up bringing (or lack of... lol)

Here is a quote from the book -

1."If you were exposed to repeated separations from those you were attached to,
or if you experienced repeated rejection or abuse. All of these things share the
ability to create insecurity, because they are all experienced as a loss. Loss of
what? Basically, of affection, support, and comfort. That is what attachments
do for us: they provide us with a sense of worth and belonging, they help us
to feel grounded, and they form the foundation of inner serenity. In contrast,
broken attachments make us vulnerable to insecurity.", [Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D.,The Tender Heart]

Rejection was a constant thing in my house. I was never hugged as a kid, and the people that did actually hug me - turned out to be sexually abusive! So, because I have a sensitive personality in the later years it turned into an insecurity. The trigger? It was my brother dying. Before that I always was able to somewhat keep my insecurities under wraps.

My mother - she was a drunk, forever going into detox all the time. Always beating up the police, always going off on a drinking binge whenever she fought with her crazy, cunt of a gf.

Because I was a sensitive kid - this was viewed by me as a loss and abandonment. And honestly - it was abandonment! I can remember as far back as being about 2 or 3 sitting in my high chair - eating hotdogs (of all things!) while my mother left me sitting there to go to the store!

What kind of parent does that? Not a loving, warm, nurturing parent.

I had so many people come in and out of my life when I was little. From foster parents to teachers to my moms friends - each time they left (because of my sensitive personality) it was a loss and also an abandonment. And this is what I became use to my entire growing years.

So, that's just a few things I have learned while reading this book. It's most definitely a good read. Will explore some more quotes that I have and work my way through them as time permits. Till then - here is the link to buy the book if anyone is interested.

The Tender Heart: Conquering Your Insecurity